Brainwaves to Pixels

And there is NO second guessing.

Amein.

You may have heard me

wrong on our first impression

if you took me for romantic.

I believe in meaningful conversation,

being the foundation, 

even if you are rambling.

We can do something simple, 

like hang with your kinfolk.

or go to park, or a bus

stop, watch people kick

rocks, dive into each other’s mental, and

let our

heartbeats increase to an

everlasting crescendo.

Throughout my latter years of high school, I was a religious young man, who felt no need to follow the confinements of average American life. WIthin that, being the best student I can be, and rationalizing my academic faults to feel better.

I did not do myself, or anyone who cared about me any favor by doing that.

My Father reminded me constantly that even though my grades could not reflect my intelligence, or mental capacity accurately, I still had to make good grades at the end of the day. That gave me a nudge to refocus on my academics, but did I? No.

Today, I went onto the Turner productions ( owner of CNN, TBS, TNT, etc) website to look for an internship opportunity, and saw that in order to qualify, I had to be at least a junior in college. Even still, I would have to be sustaining a GPA of around a 3.0; that I do not have either. 

In a semi-depressive slump, I decided to write this.

This here my friends is a calling I have half-consciously been running away from the last 5 years. Writing. I have a blessing, and a suppressed urge to write, and to share my feelings, daily life, and future plans with the general public. One thing has held me back, and I cannot allow it to any longer.

Anxiety.

Yes, I gave it it’s own paragraph. It should not be around anything that I am doing, nor will I give it anymore shine.

I have been fighting this urge for so long, because I felt that it would yield negative things into my life. How could it really, is what I now think to myself.

Satan will not prevail. Now, or later. It is time that Elohim begin to truly receive praise, and  for people to recieve insight, and help from me, through my gift of writing.

Amein.

#SN - this whole public epiphany has giving me an extra kick in the rear to better my grades, and added a newfound will for me to be the best student I can be.

106 Praise Yah!

Oh, give thanks to Yahuah,

For He is good!

For His kindness is everlasting.

2Who does relate the mighty

acts of Yahuah?

Or declare all His praise?

3 Blessed are those who guard

right-ruling,

Who do righteousness at all times!

4Remember me, O Yahuah, in the

acceptance of Your people;

Visit me with Your deliverance,

84 How lovely are Your dwelling

places, O Yahuah of hosts!

2My being has longed and even

fainted, for the courts of Yahuah;

My heart and my flesh cry out

for the living Ĕl.

3Even the sparrow has found a home,

And the swallow a nest for herself,

Where she has put her young ones –

Your altars, O Yahuah of hosts,

My Sovereign and my Elohim.

4 Blessed are those who dwell

in Your house,

They are ever praising You. Selah.

5 Blessed is the man whose strength

is in You,

Your Highways are in their heart.

61 Hear my cry, O Elohim,

Listen to my prayer.

2From the end of the earth I call unto

You,

When my heart is faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher

than I.

3For You have been my refuge,

A strong tower in the face of the

enemy.

4Let me dwell in Your Tent forever,

Let me take refuge in the shelter of

Your wings. Selah.

In the past, I have dealt with severe anxiety.

When I was a preteen, I used to think about if the worst happened within every situation, every know and then. the scarier part is, I used to wonder what if those things came true one day. Slowly, I began to become depressed due to my social life. Not that I did not have friends, but the basis we were friends was unhealthy. I accepted negative things from people that I should not have. I was a pushover by no means, but was, and still am, a young man with a kind heart. 

In my sophomore year of high I spent vast amounts of my time venturing into rock music. The genres within that umbrella I listen to most was grunge, and alternative. I had received a message from a minister through a dvd titled, “The Truth about Hip Hop,” and I went cold turkey for some time, and had been looking for a another genre to look into. The energy rock exuded, and the difference in lyrical content intrigued my eager mind, and latched onto my will to grow musically. During that time, I was little aware of the emotional toll the music left on my emotional scape. I spent time listening to aggressive chords, and drums after having an argument with someone, or while skateboarding, or when tuning out surrounding sounds around. Little did I know this music was harboring emotions that would only mold my character in an emotionally unsteady personality. Despite me being still respectful to my elders, peers, and to strangers, a quiet rage lay in the bellows of my subconscious that I found an unorthodox in pleasure in embracing. My anger was becoming my joy, and I let it.

Branches of anxiety grew from the trunk of my seemingly sturdy trunk of faith-based character, which was now being fueled by adrenaline fueled- flesh driven rock, instead of the words, and guiding of Yahuah’s word.

On a Sunday afternoon, my Aunt Stephanie prayed for me, with my father, and Aunt Beverly at each of my sides. She prayed out generational curses, confusion that tormented mind, and a host of other problems plaguing my being. She spoke that I was going to be a prophet, and that I must write what my heavenly Father speaks to me.  

I thank Yahuah for opening my eyes to beautiful wonders through me praying, and Him leading me down the path he wants me to walk. I will share my journey with my brothers, and sisters so that you can see you are not alone in your faith walk as well.

There are times in life where one has to swallow their pride, and learn from an unsettling experience. Last Tuesday, during choir practice, I had my first rehearsal with my church’s new music minister. I was playing drums while he was directing vocally, and on keyboard. He made a series of criticizing comments during the choir’s singing. This did not catch the attention of the choir, but the veteran director did hear. He spoke with me the following night about the comments.

I am thankful for, and confident in my talents. God has blessed me immensely. I play numerous genres of music. As a believer in the word, I feel inherently pressured to spend a bulk of my time practicing on gospel music. Even more recently, due to the previously noted situation, I have a new inspiration; the people of this earth from whom I have only heard negative comments.

I am not fueled by hatred, nor doubters, but it is sweet for them to see that you can far surpass any of their expectations.

We are about to change the world.